Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
