You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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