Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The power of my boobs compel you
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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