He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The best revenge is premature balding
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
