He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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