I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
