"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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