i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
