he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
