Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
