I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sorry about my life...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
