Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
