If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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