Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
this will be a night to untag.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
