its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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