It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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