Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
