I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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