he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
