I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Holy shit dude........stairs
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize