ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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