Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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