Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
