Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
