how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
