in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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