just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's a Shit stain on my heart
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
