I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
