You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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