You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize