Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
