these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
