no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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