he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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