Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
