bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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