Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
