So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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