I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
