Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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