Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
