I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
