ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She's JV to your varsity
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
