I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
