if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
