last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
