If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
