No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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