i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize