wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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