So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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