I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
