you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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