Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
