so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
