Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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