ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
