...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
