I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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