u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
