All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
