You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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