mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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