I just pynch a tree in the face
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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