Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
