Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
