Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
