Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
