What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
