We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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