Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
