You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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